Saturday, October 6, 2012

Why I disabled commenting on my blog...

Oh my! Life can be ironic.

Point in case:

I only get comments on my blog posts here and there. Nothing major. And so when I made the decision to disable comments, I really didn't think it would make a smidget of a difference to anyone.

This is the ironic part:

Since disabling comments, I've received multiple emails from readers asking me why.

And then I started thinking, "Well, if a blog I read all of a sudden disabled comments, I would probably wonder why also."

So, may I share a piece of an email I wrote to Heather (the first reader who contacted me) in response to the question why I had disabled comments? (And while you're all reading this, I'm going to go dig a hole to hide in. Okay?)

"No, you didn’t miss the comment link. I disabled comments on my blog last week. It’s kind of embarrassing, really, but I was feeling convicted about some things concerning my blog. And so, after much prayer, I decided to disable the comments. In a nut shell (and feeling very humbled admitting this) I was obsessive with whether or not people commented on my blog. I would post a post and then all day I would keep checking my email to see if someone commented. And most of the time, I didn’t get comments (at least not many!) but it was like I was obsessed. And then I was feeling discontentment because I wasn’t getting comments and such. And that was leading to frustration. And the big ugly green “envy” monster was creeping up on me because I’d see other blogs I read with a bunch of comments and then I would feel envious. Ugh.

So, the reason I disabled the comments was really an issue of the heart. I was struggling with pride and discontentment and envy and had been feeling a lack of peace about the way I was feeling. I’m also disciplining myself not to check my stats. I want to be thankful for the gift God has given me in the form of my blog, and I don’t want to be ingrateful or discontent because it’s not as “big” or “popular” as I want it to be.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense to you. Just some heart issues that God has been working on with me. I’m not sure what He’ll have me to do next. I just know that I needed to eliminate these things that were fueling negative thoughts and attitudes within me" 

And just to add to the above, I would like to say that the main problem for me in having the comments enabled was that my blog was becoming more about me and my pride than about God.

And I was left constantly feeling unsettled and frustrated wondering how to increase my traffic, how to get more followers, how to get more people to comment, yadee, yadee, yadee.

And I honestly don't like to feel unsettled. I don't like to feel like I'm running from God. And that's how I was feeling. He knew my blog had become a false source of pride for me, an idol of sorts. He knew that it was causing feelings of discontentment and envy and that I was using it to stroke my pride.

And, goodness gracious, He kept chasing me with it. For a WHOLE year, people. That's how long I ran. And it all stopped last week when I spilled my guts (and my convictions) to my most wonderful and understanding husband who prayed with me and gave me some very godly counsel.

So even though I really didn't get many comments, it was hard for me to disable commenting because every time I would see a comment notification, I would feel so encouraged. I LOVED reading each comment! Each one encouraged me so much!

And so for now the comments are disabled and I don't check the stats (I tried turning them off but I don't think I can, so if you know how, please let me know!) And I'm really not sure what God has planned for me and for my blog. But what I do know is that it's exhausting to run from God.

And I also know that I need this space, my life, to be about HIM.
And because I don't believe in writing a post without photos {SMILE}, here are some from family vacation...

Here's my attempt to get a nice picture of the three of them. So. frustrating.

 (And then I gave up.)

Have a beautiful and blessed Sabbath tomorrow!