Wednesday, May 18, 2011

R-E-S-P-E-C-T - What Our Husbands Desire and Need

Respect. That's what our men want. That's according to the various marriage books I've read over the last eleven years since I myself got hitched and some insight from my own wonderful hubby, himself. You know, I'm the type of gal that likes to be prepared when I'm getting myself into something!

Some women get really hung up on the whole concept of "submitting" to their husbands. The Bible does say in multiple places that we wives are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord, but many see this as submitting to a status of inferiority. Not so, ladies, not so.

So what exactly is Biblical submission? Many modern-day feminists believe that Biblical submission equates to mousy, timid women who are lorded over by their order-barking, controlling husbands. That, my friends, is not what God had in mind when He commanded for us to be submissive to our husbands.

Submission is a matter of showing respect to our husbands. It's a matter of laying aside our selfish desires to take into consideration the needs of our husbands. It's a matter of living a life of completing our husbands. You see, we are not inferior at all; God made us to complement and strengthen our husbands. We, when living in submission, are acting as a cornerstone to our husband.

We are to submit to our husbands under all circumstances except when/if he is asking us to do something that goes against the Lord's commands. God does not expect nor accept us to submit if it means we would be participating in sinful activity.

Submission is not easy, no-sir-ee. It's flat-out hard, especially when we women have been subconsciously indoctrinated with independent feminism. And it's hard because we're naturally selfish creatures of the flesh.

Submission takes God-strength. It takes a laying down of our own wants and desires to do as we're commanded in the Holy Word. Biblical submission to our husbands is totally contrary to our flesh, especially if our husbands are unsaved.

Speaking of that, do we get off scotch-free if our husbands are not saved? Sorry, but no. Of course, submitting to a man who does not understand the whole concept of Biblical submission and Biblical love makes the wife's responsibility a whole lot more difficult. And, admittedly, I don't have a lot of personal knowledge to offer on this one.

However, I do know that whether our husbands are saved or not, we are to look to Jesus as a model of submission. Jesus submitted to His Father's will. Was God's will to provide Jesus as the perfect and ultimate sacrifice for mankind an easy one for Christ to walk? Goodness no! How would you do if you were asked to give yourself up to torture and the worst pain imaginable for someone else's sake? For someone who has despised you, at that? I'd want to run the other way!

But, ladies, look at this wonderful, encouraging verse from the Word: In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Pet 3.1-2

St. Francis of Assisi was the one that said to "preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary use words." Couldn't we apply that to Biblical submission?

Ladies, I desire to be the helpmeet and wife to my husband that God designed me to be. I know that the journey to that woman is progressive and challenging, but I want what God desires for me. And God desires only the best for my life. He desires that which will produce fruit. And, so, if God commands submission to our husbands, then that is what He deems best for our lives.

And I've personally noticed that when I am living in submission to my hubby and trying to meet his needs, he is much less stressed and more joyful. When he feels respected and loved, he responds in a very loving and caring manner. Life is less stressful for him because he knows that he is held in high esteem by me and no matter what is going on out in the world, he is respected and loved here at home.

In the next few days or so, I'd like, Lord-willing, to delve into this subject of submission and being our husband's helpmeet a little bit more. This is something I've been actively researching and praying for wisdom for as it's something that most churches never really teach the young women about.

In the meantime, here are some resources that I have personally read/listened to and have found helpful...

Here's a great one that I have that delves into the subject of submitting to an unsaved husband. It also discusses Biblical submission to a saved husband as well.

This is one that I haven't read yet, but it is on my wishlist...

I'm also about half-way through the CD series called She Shall Be Called Woman by Victoria Botkin. I have found this to be full of challenging and practical information. It can be viewed and purchased through Vision Forum.

Have a blessed day!


Wendi said...

Your are right it is about respect. It drives me crazy when I am with a group of woman and all they do is bash their husbands. I don't say anything and a couple of times a few women have been snarky and said something like it must be nice to be married to the perfect man. I feel that if I am upset with my husband he needs to hear it and not a group of gossiping woman. It saddens me how disrespectful some women are to the person they should love, support and respect the most. Okay, I will now get off my soap box! :)

Ashley said...

"A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George is an outstanding book for this subject matter.

This is one of my many struggles, but I, like you, notice that when I am respecting my husband in the way he desires, my husband is much more loving and happy person.

Heather said...

Great post. The book Love & Respect changed my marriage! I had so many ah-ha moments when reading it. We listened to the author's CDs from one his conferences, too. It was definitely life changing for us and really helped us understand God's desires for our marriages.

And who better to take marriage advice from than God, right?

Erin said...

Good stuff, girl. Good job.

TASO said...

Actually, we women have a great deal of power and influence. If used and abused, then the men suffer and all too many become something they really weren't destined to be in the first place. If we exercise that influence in the spirit of love, wisdom and respect, then they are fed psychologically and spiritually to become a real man - men of God - men who are whole instead of a miserable shadow of themselves. And I, as his wife, should be the one he can freely and completely trust in this world. We are his one essential compliment, and I adore my role in this immensely! Nothing better than being a God-honoring, husband-honoring wife in this world, nothing!

BurttBunch said...

I have the Helpmeet book that is on your wishlist. I haven't read it yet but you can get a journal with it. I am going to start it though. We've hit a rough patch and I think I need dive into something to encourage me as a wife. When I am done I can let you borrow it. I will let you know if the journal is worth the money or not.

joyfilled said...

What a great post. The book that opened my eyes to how my level of respect affects my husband was "For Women Only." Definitely made me think twice before talking to my mom or my friends about my hubby (at times that I'd use the "I just need to vent" excuse).

Amy said...

Good job on this post! I pray that God will use your wise words to encourage others in this area. Can I link you to my blog?

Sunshine for your Soul said...

Great post. New follower from WLW.
Submission is something that is misunderstood by many, but is so wonderful.