Guarding Our Tongues and The Words We Speak to Our Husbands

Psalm 141:3 ESV ~ Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!

Did you know that we as wives hold the most powerful tool on this earth that has the power to either build our husbands up or tear our husbands (and, subsequently, our homes) down? The Bible makes numerous references to this weapon and its power to destroy. The tongue.

Ladies, each of us possesses one of these God-given tools. And it's not necessarily the tongue itself which is the weapon, but how we use it. What words do we let roll off its tip? What thoughts do we permit it to make audible to others?

It is easier to spout out our nagging complaints to/about our husbands than it is to lasso those complaints back into our minds and deal with them in a grace-filled manner.

So, how do we tear down our husbands with our tongues and words? Well, one way is through our direct communication with him. Are we nagging him? Are we complaining about him? Are we asking him for what seems the millionth time to clean up after himself?

And here's one that maybe we don't think of as tearing him down: are we constantly trying to fix him and his problems with our words? Instead we should be listening to his anxieties, fears, struggles, and worries and be taking them to our Lord in prayer. We do not know everything, and what helps us may not necessarily help our husbands.

In a situation like this (which I've often been guilty of) it is best to listen, to extend our interest in how he's feeling, and then kindly offer to share with him how you personally deal with these similar issues. Maybe he'll want to hear your advice, maybe he won't. Either way, it's okay, and it's not the end of the world if your husband doesn't want to hear your personal advice at that particular moment in time. He did not marry you so that you could be his personal psychologist. So if he doesn't want you to talk but rather listen, what should you do about your husband's despair over his problems? You should listen and then fervently offer these problems up in prayer. Prayer and God's guidance in our husband's life is much more powerful than any advice that we could offer.

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Another way we tear down our husbands is by speaking negatively of him to others. It always makes me cringe to hear women tear apart their husbands to others.

We are to hold our husbands up in esteem. We are to uphold and build-up their reputation, not tear it to shreds.

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I used to be guilty of this - sharing my complaints about my husband with others. But, ladies, that's so dangerous and what we say now may wreck our husband in the future. Words often have a way of coming back to bite us. So hold your tongue, no matter how much you want to complain.

Now, of course, there is a difference between complaining to others about your husband and having a very close friend that you can go to to voice your concerns. See this situation kind of as a Titus 2 mentoring situation. You go to that other, wiser woman to voice your concerns and "complaints" and she, in return, can offer up advice from her own personal experience. This is totally different than running your mouth about all your husband's vices to anyone who is willing to offer an ear.

So, let's all be conscious about how we speak to and about our husbands. We are held accountable for all of our words, and I don't want to be guilty of cutting down my husband, my gift from God, with mine.

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Have a blessed day!


James 3:2-10 ESV - For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ...

James 1:26 ESV If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

For a list of Scripture concerning the tongue, go here.