Sunday, May 2, 2010

Shifting Sands

When I first began blogging in September 2008, one of the major goals of my blog was to post about what I was doing - repurposing, decorating, painting, baking, cooking, etc., etc. These were all activities that I enjoyed and loved sharing with others.

As my life season has shifted since that time (I've started homeschooling, we've been pursuing adoption), I have noticed that my priorities have also shifted. Sometimes I try to fight it. Sometimes I find myself stressing out trying to find time to craft or decorate or do anything that I used to find pleasure in. But then I find that it all just becomes another chore. And sometimes I get all selfish and pouty and think, "Why can't I have time to do the things I used to enjoy doing?" Boy, can I be selfish.

And let me clarify, it's not that I spend the entire day slaving away in the house. And I'm certainly not a prisoner of my obligations and duties, at least not when I don't make myself one. Reading and journaling still give me restful pleasure. And I do enjoy the occasional home project. However, I have determined it impossible to do everything I used to do and still fulfill my God-given calling of homeschooling and homemaking and adopting. I'm slowly accepting that I cannot do it all.

So, it seems my posts have drifted more from what my hands are doing to what my heart is doing. There had been some difficult trials that I experienced in 2009, some I shared with you all, and some that I kept private as I should have. And through all those difficulties, I have seen, in hindsight, God changing me, changing my heart. Going through the trials, I pleaded with God to lift them from me. However, as I crawled through them, drawing nearer to God, I felt Him changing me. I was shown my need for Him. I was shown how it is only through Him and with Him that I can be the complete person He designed for me to be. And now I can say that I'm thankful for how He took some very despairing situations and used them for good.

And so you can still expect to see a random home or decorating project on here. Maybe I'll throw in a sewing project every once in a while, and there will always be the occasional recipe. But I can say that my concentration in life right now is my family and my privilege as a wife and mother. And though I sometimes look longingly at my past, I'm trying to learn to live in each moment that God has given me.


Wendi said...

I could have written this post. I am trying to hard to find joy and contentment in whatever is handed to me. My days may not be exactly what I have envisioned, but my days are exactly the way God has planned them to be!

Heather said...

I always enjoy your posts - no matter what they're about :-)

Anika said...

That picture with the "We love you Sergei" sign... did you send that picture to him because it is precious and he would LOVE it! So cute.

Shannan Martin said...

I'm SO with you!! Writing is a great way for me to sort my readers get "stuck" reading whatever it is I happen to be thinking about most...which, lately, is much more than recipes and whatnots. ;)