Friday, December 12, 2008

The Calling...

Lately I've been feeling convicted. Convicted of my attitude. Convicted of my selfishness. Convicted of my tendency to feel pity for myself. Sometimes I become so frustrated with the ordinary tasks of mothering, that I begin to feel like I have no more left to give.

I remember leaving my nursing job in January 2007. The journey of full-time mothering was so fresh and exciting. I felt so blessed to be able to leave the workforce behind and focus my energies on my family, my children. I was inspired, motivated, energized.

Two years later... Still feeling extremely blessed to be at home, but having to really focus to remember that blessing. Recognizing the blessing doesn't come as easy as it once did. It takes more effort. Why? Have I become so wrapped up in the mundane tasks of mothering that my senses have dulled to the extraordinary? Have I trained my mind to "just survive" rather than face my calling with joy and energy?

Refreshment and rejuvenation arise within me some mornings. Some days I face my day with motivation to make it count. Other days, I arise to feel discouraged and bored. Discouraged with the five loads of laundry that accumulated over the weekend. Discouraged because my daughter wakes up and immediately demands my attention. Discouraged because I have to fight with my son to do his studies. Discouraged because I just want some time for me.

Slowly and subtly discontentment creeps in. I begin to resent my lot. I begin to see all the demands on my time as unfair. I itch just to get away, run away. Just so I can think without interruption.

And then I hear the Holy Spirit speaking within me. You are blessed. I love you. My grace and strength are sufficient for you. Sufficient for you to be the mother I desire for you to be. Sufficient for you to react lovingly when your children are cranky. Come to me. Look at my Word and learn from me. I always forgive you. I love you unconditionally. I accept your imperfections and failures. I want to help you. I want to give you grace, wisdom, and strength.

I want to mold you into a woman and mother who will impact the future generations of your family for My name's sake.

I wish that I can say that I always yield to the Holy Spirit. I desire to say that I always stop and listen when I feel prompted to soften my heart and hear what God is speaking to me. Because it is at those moments when I really stop and open my heart to God's words that I succeed as a mother. When I ignore this prompting, I fail.

I'm a work in progress. God's work in my life will never cease as I will never attain perfection. God doesn't expect me to be perfect, but He desires me to yield to His will for my life. Surrendering myself and my desires to His perfect plan for me.

Oh, Lord, thank you for this opportunity to be a mother and a wife. Thank you that Your grace is sufficient for me and Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. Forgive me for my discontentment, my self-pity, my selfishness. Soften my heart so that I yearn for You. Help me to focus on the eternal rather than the temporal. Lord, please mold me into a Godly wife and mother who desires to please You in all that she says and does.


Tolentreasures said...

Hang in there, sometimes you don't realize your blessings until much later..I don't regret one minute of being home with my children when they were little or mothering It is the most important job you can do!


Heather said...

I think that stay at home mothers are truly unsung heroes. Not everyone can do it, that's for sure.

I struggle with feeling guilty that I'm not the perfect mother and wife... I fail. It's a relief to know God loves us anyway.

BurttBunch said...

You are not alone in your feelings! Thanks for sharing....something I can relate too and say....I am there too!

Carleen said...

That was beautifully written! It really hit home for me...Thanks!

Amanda said...

Amber - I have the exact feelings you do and can relate to everything you wrote. You said it all in a way I never could. Thank you for this awesome post. I really need to read it!

Holly said...

My friend, thanks for being real. I know your feelings. Missed you tonight!

Be blessed!

Christian said...

Amen sister, God's grace is so sufficient for days like these!