Friday, November 16, 2012
My anxiety/depression struggles and your prayers...
Hello, all you lovely ladies.
I come humbly to you all this morning. Posts around here have been sparse. Life has been busy, and we've had sickness in our home.
And I have been struggling.
I believe I shared with you all how I had gone off my antidepressant back in May of this year. I did pretty good over the summer. The days were long, the sun was high, and I spent most of my days out in the warm sunshine. It was a perfect mood-booster.
Then fall entered. And the days started to get shorter. And the darkness came earlier. And I began to feel that mental darkness coming back. Oh, I hate that feeling.
So I went back on my antidepressant after a visit with my doctor.
But, ladies, this fall has been tough. I've been slowly increasing the dosage on my medication. I've had several severe panic attacks just in the last two months, and previous to that, I hadn't had a bad one for several years.
And I'm feeling discouraged. And slightly hopeless. And alone.
I visited my doctor again yesterday. I love this woman. She is so understanding, and she never makes me feel bad or shameful about my struggles. She increased my dose again (this is the highest I've ever been on) and she changed my short-acting anti-anxiety med to a different one since the one I've had for the past three years wasn't working as well anymore.
On top of all of that, I've been sick for the last six six days. I'm not sure what I have. I'm achy, headachy, and extremely tired. I had gotten bitten by a tick about a month ago so they tested me for Lyme's Disease earlier in the week. That came back negative so my doctor sent me for more blood work yesterday and will retest the Lyme's in two weeks if I'm still feeling the same.
So, ladies, I am humbly coming to you asking for your prayers. I'm feeling very discouraged right now. I'm going through a very dark time mentally. I ask that you pray that I would be empowered by the Holy Spirit to be able to control my thoughts because right now I feel like I have little control over them. I also ask that you pray that I would be able to be thankful for this trial because there is always hope when one's heart is in the posture of thanksgiving.
Thank you so much.
Oh, and I'm turning the comments back on because I've come to realize that even those few comments I received before were such an encouragement to me. You, my readers, are an encouragement to me.
Have a blessed day.