Friday, November 16, 2012

My anxiety/depression struggles and your prayers...

Hello, all you lovely ladies.

I come humbly to you all this morning. Posts around here have been sparse. Life has been busy, and we've had sickness in our home.

And I have been struggling.

I believe I shared with you all how I had gone off my antidepressant back in May of this year. I did pretty good over the summer. The days were long, the sun was high, and I spent most of my days out in the warm sunshine. It was a perfect mood-booster.

Then fall entered. And the days started to get shorter. And the darkness came earlier. And I began to feel that mental darkness coming back. Oh, I hate that feeling.

So I went back on my antidepressant after a visit with my doctor.

But, ladies, this fall has been tough. I've been slowly increasing the dosage on my medication. I've had several severe panic attacks just in the last two months, and previous to that, I hadn't had a bad one for several years.

And I'm feeling discouraged. And slightly hopeless. And alone.

I visited my doctor again yesterday. I love this woman. She is so understanding, and she never makes me feel bad or shameful about my struggles. She increased my dose again (this is the highest I've ever been on) and she changed my short-acting anti-anxiety med to a different one since the one I've had for the past three years wasn't working as well anymore.

On top of all of that, I've been sick for the last six six days. I'm not sure what I have. I'm achy, headachy, and extremely tired. I had gotten bitten by a tick about a month ago so they tested me for Lyme's Disease earlier in the week. That came back negative so my doctor sent me for more blood work yesterday and will retest the Lyme's in two weeks if I'm still feeling the same.

So, ladies, I am humbly coming to you asking for your prayers. I'm feeling very discouraged right now. I'm going through a very dark time mentally. I ask that you pray that I would be empowered by the Holy Spirit to be able to control my thoughts because right now I feel like I have little control over them. I also ask that you pray that I would be able to be thankful for this trial because there is always hope when one's heart is in the posture of thanksgiving.

Thank you so much.

Oh, and I'm turning the comments back on because I've come to realize that even those few comments I received before were such an encouragement to me. You, my readers, are an encouragement to me.

Have a blessed day.


Thistle Cove Farm said...

Amber, I'm praying for you and suggest you try elderberry juice concentrate to build your immune system. Also, Sambucol which helps decrease symptoms of respiratory illness, influenza, etc.
If you don't sit in the sun every it. If you've got a sunny, warm room, expose your body (as much as is feasible) to the sunlight. Increase vitamin D tablets as well.
At a point in my life, I suffered from depression for decades. A Godly man and Paxil medication helped God heal me. My body wasn't producing Seratonin and the Paxil helped jump start my body's production. The Godly counselor diagnosed my depression and sent me for meds. He is, often, remembered fondly and in prayer.
You are not alone; God is carrying you each and every step.
Whisper the name of Jesus, over and over and over. The name of Jesus has such POWER; as a child of God, you're allowed to USE that power for His glory and your health.
Cast your cares upon Him...HE CARES AND HE LISTENS.

Unknown said...


I am praying for you. I can't begin to understand what you are going through but know I am praying for you. We serve an awesome God and He is there for you.


living from glory to glory said...

Dear Amber, I am so glad that you turned your comments back on!
You will overcome this trial for that is what it is! Take every thought captive. Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, body and soul. You our blessed and all things pertaining to life is yours in Him.
I have experienced what you are going through.
I am praying for you!
Blessings, Roxy

Wendi said...

Miss Amber,

Please know that I am praying for you! I suffer from the blues from time to time. It is very hard for that week or so when I can't seem to shake it. It is heartbreaking for me to imagine feeling that way most of the time. How awful! We serve the greatest healer... I will be praying that He wraps you in his comforting arms!

God's Grace Overflows said...

I am so happy that you put your comments back on. We all need a bit of encouragement at times and it's important to know that you are so loved. God loves you and you need to keep focusing on him. He is a healer and a protector of all things and he only wants your best interest at heart. I will continue to prayer for you. And remember: " Do not fear, for I am with you, do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will stregthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my Righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Many Blessings to yu,

Debbie Jones said...

Hi Amber, I just found your blog tonight and am your newest follower. My oldest daughter is named Amber and I really love the name -- so beautiful. I can somewhat relate to your struggles with anxiety and depression and will pray for you. You have a lovely blog and I am looking forward to more of your posts. Will pray for better days ahead for you!

Yes-Lord said...

Chin up chickie! Know that I'm here praying that God would restore your heart, mind, soul & body! I know the battle you are in and it is hard, it is a minute by minute battle! The fact you don't feel good only makes it worse. You are not in your struggles alone! You are surrounded by your readers who understand.

Thoughts & Prayers!

Joy Wilson said...

Dear Amber,
I am so grateful that you enabled the comments again! Please know that you are not alone. I have struggled with depression for 7years. Everyones journey is different with this battle. I have weaned off of medicine at times and then needed to up my dosage at times too (mostly the increasing happens in fall and winter). I have prayed for this to go away and ultimately came to realize that depression is one of the thorns that the Lord may not remove for me. I have grown to look at it as a chronic illness that I learn to monitor and not be scared of anymore. Like the Lord said to Paul about his thorn, "My grace is suffcient for you, My power made perfect in weakness. . . " Like Paul, I have learned to boast in my weakness (as you are so good at doing). I have grown through the struggles, and the Lord continues to sanctify me through depression.

I am so impressed with the healthy way that you are dealing with your depression. You are continuing to pursue healing which is so hard to do when you are in midst of depression. You are treating it at the first signs instead of waiting to be in darkest depths. You are taking care of yourself and being open to those around you where often people with depression want nothing more than to retreat from the world. You are in my prayers daily!! I am so glad that you had the courage to ask for prayer. Please know that I will be faithful to pray!!

As you know, so many things can trigger a reoccurance of symptoms. As someone else posted, vitamin D has been crucial for me. I have thryoid issues that compound everything as well. My endocrinologist has found that my vitamin D and B are low despite taking a daily multi-vitamin. I have to take 5000mg of D daily to get into normal range. Like the other person said, I also try to sit in a patch of sunshine during the winter. When my thryoid levels are low, I also feel so exhausted and have no motivation. I would highly recogmend a complete blood work up.

Everyones journey is different, and I only share to try to help. Throw out anything that I have said that is not healing. Most importantly know that you are covered in prayer!! Thank you for sharing your journey. I am always so edified by your blog and am so thankful for good fruits that it produces. God bless!!

Heather said...

I so appreciate your honest and openess, Amber. I think I've shared with you before, I struggle with hereditary depression & anxiety (more the anxiety) myself. What can be just as hard as the anxiety itself is the GUILT you feel for even feeling the anxiety! Does that make sense? I used to be on antidepressants in college, but I didn't like how they affected me. After my anxiety re-surfaced along with the baby blues after my first child was born, I started to manage it with fish oil/omega 2, vitamin b, and green tea. Today, that's all I'm on, and it helps a good deal, but it's never completely gone.

I think personality traits play into it too, you know? And no pill can change a leopard's spots.

I'll pray for you! I know what it's like to walk around with knots in your stomach and a feeling of dread for weeks, all while having no idea how you can get rid of it, it's awful. I'm so glad you're a fellow follower of Christ, and I have comfort in knowing that YOU know that someday we will be free of all this ickiness that comes with being a human in this world. I can't imagine coping with my anxiety if I were an unbeliever...

Sending my love :)

Anonymous said...

Dear One,
I know all to well what you are going through. I have a cronic 'thorn' I truly wish The Lord would take away. Adjusting meds is often difficult and fighting feelings of inadaquacy as a Christian woman thru it all is always hard.
Please know that I will pray for you, that you ARE being held in His loving arms, and you have some very supportive sisters as you see above!
You are richly Blessed! and dearly loved!
Holding you in prayer, Brenda

Following Closely said...

Hi there, I'm quite new to your blog, but I have enjoyed reading bits and pieces of it as time allows. I'm glad you opened up comments. There have been many times I wanted to comment. We seem to have a lot in common though I am a complete stranger to you.

I know a little bit about the "winter blues" on top of everything else you mentioned. I actually drink green tea and use a tanning bed for 5 minutes a few times a week. A lot of people frown upon tanning beds, but in small amounts, it has done absolute wonders for my moods (etc.). Those 5 minutes are my "happy place" where no one bothers me and it's my escape to a tropical island. I enjoy my time to think and pray.

Keep your chin up! You are not alone. Many of us read your blog and are touched by it. And thanks for being so honest.

Theresa said...

Just found your blog this morning and can't wait to read through your posts.

Sorry to hear of your struggle with anxiety/depression. I have been there.

Anonymous said...

Hi Amber,
So good to be able to comment again - sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time. The Vitamin D should help and of course prayer is the best medicine ever. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - here's believing with you that you will receive complete healing and energy to face each day as it comes. Blessings Caroline

Anonymous said...

Dear Amber,
Oh how I know the dark shadows. I'm crying now, because I know what you are feeling. I get disappointed with Christians who don't accept depression as a medical problem. I realize sometimes it's a spiritual one, but many of us need pharmaceutical help. Sometimes Christians are so tightly wound in the law, there is no room for the Spirit, and they feel free to offer "advice" ( judge), because they think a person is not in God's law. How awful then, when a fellow Christian cannot pour out her heart for fear of judgement & chastisement . We need to be "mat carriers" for each other. When a sister can't walk, the rest carry her on her mat and take her to Jesus. Sometimes the one with the Spiritual problem, is not the afflicted one. I do believe, though, we should pursue a sound mind, and continue in our faith. I believe in a big God. The only God. And I have depression. I take medication, and I take joy, because the Bible tells me to. If you've never experienced it, depression doesn't let you claim what is rightfully yours. If you've never experienced it, don't diminish it. It's not like the blues. Uplift your sister to the Lord. Hold her there. Lean not on your own understanding. This includes using medication, instead of herbal remedies, miracle foods and the like.