Tuesday, September 13, 2011
For Those Who Struggle With Anxiety and Depression...
What is it that you fear?
If anyone can understand fear, it is this here recovering agoraphobic and anxiety disorder sufferer. (But I hate to use the word sufferer; it is such a victimizing term.)
When you live buried and paralyzed by fear, as I once did, you can understand how deep fear can cut and how much it can debilitate.
When the thought of having to drive ten miles into town gives you precipatory anxiety for the whole week preceding, when the thought of walking to the end of the driveway to get your mail gives you heart palpitations, then you know that fear has consumed your life.
My fear was irrational, I knew it. But I couldn't control it. No matter how hard I willed myself to not be afraid, the fear continued to overwhelm me.
It is this unabated, suffocating fear I am talking about today.
If you are feeling this dark, oppressiveness that I am describing. That hopeless, noose-around-the-neck feeling, then you are not alone. I've been there.
And I want you to know that I understand how you feel. The heaviness of chest, the hot/cold tingling from head to toe, the racing heart, the spinning dizziness that threatens to knock you over. The feeling of losing control.
Friend, there were nights when I was deep in the throes of anxiety, panic, and depression that I went to bed with an open Bible on my chest. I felt so tormented by the enemy that I needed the Word physically covering me.
My fear was so consuming at times, that I thought I was going crazy, losing my mind. Literally, I did feel this way. I was afraid that I was losing control of my mind.
And, because I believe that I'm not the only one (I know that I'm not the only one) who has felt this way, I want to share my journey through anxiety/panic disorder and depression with you.
God has been faithful in pulling me up out of the pit. And in my daily (yes, daily) mental struggle with the dark, oppressive thoughts of anxiety and depression, He has been teaching me things about faith, trust, and His grace and mercy.
And His teachings have been prying the grip of fear slowly off of my soul. You see, fear grips white-knuckled. But His grasp is so much stronger.
As the Spirit leads me and gives me words, I will share this personal struggle of mine more in depth with you. I want you to know that you are not alone. And more importantly, I want you to know that the Father will redeem you from your struggle if you let Him in, let Him work in your life.
I've come to the point in my struggles where I thought I would never come. I can honestly say that I am thankful for that first panic attack that threw me into a downward spiral. Because it has been through that attack that the enemy meant for evil, that God has taught me many wonders about Him, His love, and His sovereign hand on my life.
And can I offer my prayers to you? If you are struggling, please let me know. You can contact me through the "contact me" page at the top of my blog. I would count it a privilege to be your prayer partner.
Have a blessed and Spirit-filled day!
With much love,