a morning of worship...

I spent the first hour of this day outside enjoying the misty spring morning. The clouds hung low but thin, just the perfect combination to make the season's green pop saturated in deep color against the grayish background.

I love these mornings. Mornings when I can enjoy our animals, water my plants, tend to our gardens, all with the keen awareness that all of these things are blessings from God. A friend and I were speaking at Bible study last night about how much God's creation and nature speaks to our souls. We are both creative spirits, both thriving when able to create and express ourselves, and I think this is maybe why God's creation speaks so deeply to my soul.

I worship THE Creator of all good things.

These plants that spring forth to feed our family. These flowers that I cut to adorn our table. The animals that tread on our land. The vast sky, whether blue or gray, that spans wide across and above. The rich, green forest that I see everyday out my kitchen window. These are all creations from my Creator.

And because of this, almost every time I am out in this creation, I find myself in the posture of worship of God. I can't help but to worship and praise Him. As my friend said last evening, "His imagination is endless." And He blesses us with these gifts He has made.

Think about that.

The God of the universe has given us this glorious world around us and all He has made as a good gift to us.

This is why I feel so close to Him when I am out tending my gardens. Or when I'm hand-feeding my alpacas or talking to my chickens or rabbits.

I count these as gifts from my Father. Gifts that He gives to me out of love. Not material gifts. Not financial wealth. But a wealth so much more abundant and lasting.

So how could I not worship Him?

Taking the plow to the ground (spiritually)...

 

Sow for yourselves righteousness;

Reap in mercy;

Break up your fallow ground,

For it is time to seek the Lord,

Till He comes and rains righteousness on you.

Hosea 10:12

Those times will come. Those times during which the believer, she must take the plow to the ground. The ground of a hard, independent heart.

Maybe it is...

A heart that has turned from her Savior to chase after the wind of the world.

A heart that has busied itself with much but little of eternal significance.

A heart that has been disappointed and feels broken into a million little pieces over disappointments and hurts.

A heart that is suffocated in fear and anxiety and depression and just can't feel the warmth of the Son anymore.

A heart that has been walked out on, left feeling lonely and afraid for the future.

A heart that is holding onto bitterness and resentment.

A heart that is living in envy, jealousy, and covetousness.

A heart that feels betrayed and frayed in so many places.

Sisters, we are all vulnerable to the hardening of our hearts. And we will all experience times of testing and disappointment and hurt and fear and the list goes on and on.

But the Father knows this. And He has compassion on us.

And He never leaves our side even though He feels so very far away during these times.

But He is there.

Waiting.

Waiting for you, for me, to turn back to Him.

To seek His face and seek His righteousness.

To break our hard, infertile, fallow ground and find our everything in Him. Him alone.

And He will come.

And He will rain His righteousness down upon you. Down upon me.

Because He loves you.

He wants to be your everything.

Because you are His everything.

In Which I Share My Awe and Amazement...

Our God continually amazes me.

Did you ever have a moment when everything just seemed so amazingly miraculous?

Brad and Ian were out having some male bonding time tonight (Brad tries to spend one-on-one time with each kid.) That left Sergei, Lily, and I at home.

After working on a project Sergei and I are presenting at his school on Thursday, I announced it was time to do our family devotions.


"Mom, I want to lead them tonight."

Well. Okay. My oldest son just volunteered to step up and lead family devotions with dad away. Who am I to argue with that?

After doing a little searching through his Bible, he told us he'd be reading from Joshua 1:7-9.


With wonderful understanding, Sergei went on to tell Lily and I what that passage of Scripture meant to him.

And then God clearly spoke to my heart....

"Amber, remember that time when you were getting ready to host Sergei and you were being tormented by your enemy and you asked me why?"

"Remember when I told you that a soul was at stake?"

"Well, here, right in front of you, sitting at your kitchen table is that soul that was at stake."

"And I've saved that soul."


Oh my gosh. You don't know how overwhelmed I felt at that moment. Not overwhelmed in a negative way, but just overwhelmed, completely overwhelmed by the goodness and power and saving grace of God.

Friends, adoption is not easy. Not in the least. And there have been many, many times when I've seriously just wanted to quit. And there have been times when I've really had to work at not becoming bitter towards God because of some of the things we had to experience after we got home from Ukraine. Honestly, there were times I wanted to kick the kid out of the house.

But, you see, this makes all that suffering worth it. This makes all of the trials worth it.


God let me be a part of the salvation of a soul.

Oh, if only you could all hear and feel the emotion I feel right now. The praises I'm lifting up to my Father in Heaven.

He is so good. He is so full of love. He is love.

And then Sergei flipped to another piece of Scripture after our family devotions were done and Lil was brushing her teeth.

"Mom? This verse is good. 'Even if your mother and your father forsake you, still I will never leave you.' That's like me."

"Yes, Sergei. God never left you. Even though your mom couldn't take care of you, even though she loved you but had to give you up because of bad choices she made, God never gave up on you."

"Yes, that's right, mom."

You see, this is what it's all about. This is life. Living for Him and pointing others toward Him. Pointing others toward their Creator.

To know Him and glorify Him. That is how life is meant to be lived.

And when I see the fruit of the Spirit in my son's life, a son who has experienced a lot more than any 15 year-old should and who has been fighting off some pretty nasty demons of his past, I really just feel myself crumble at my Father's feet. I crumble in humble adoration at His greatness.

He is the source of restoration. He quenches the thirsty soul. He feeds with the holy manna that gives life eternally. He comes in and He fills the empty places and gives life meaning.

And this girl here, well, she's just a little bit FULL of awe right now.

Signing off to go ponder these things in the quietness of my heart...

Amber

When You're Struggling...

The dark night passes slowly when the heart hurts. When hope is running low and the mental battlefield is occupied by the enemies... When each step is taken blindly or hardly taken at all. When the mental wavelengths are scattered and in disarray... When the loneliness (even despite the physical presence of others) swells up into the throat... Know this: HE IS THERE.

And may you find peace in knowing that He knows how you feel. And His heart aches when yours does. You're His child, created in His mind's eye before the creation of the world.

And know that life ebbs and flows with the life seasons. Sometimes we feel swept away, out of control in the white waters that threaten to take us down. Sometimes we feel calm and peace-filled in the still waters that still our soul. But no matter how we feel, HE IS THERE. Never will He leave or forsake a child of His. His Word says that even in our unfaithfulness, He remains faithful. {II Timothy 2:13} To this thought, anthems of praise rise from within me to my Maker.

And may you find comfort in knowing that He is the mighty Redeemer. And wherever you are, you're there because He's permitted you to be there. Remember that refining fire? Sometimes the pure beauty only comes after the hard firing of the furnace. But HE IS THERE too.

And do know that as a child of God, you have the MOST HIGH of the entire universe doing battle on your behalf. And when He has accomplished His perfect purpose in your trial and suffering, He WILL lift you up out of the slimy pit and set your feet upon the Rock. 100% guaranteed.

And so, though we may be hard pressed on every side and struggling for the next breath, we will never be crushed. Though we may be perplexed and confused, we will not live in forever despair. Though we may pass through the fires of persecution, we will never be abandoned by Him. {See II Corinthians 4:8-9}

Because nothing can separate a child of God from the Father. Nothing.

Romans 8:38-39 - For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all of creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Vessels of Clay

The mortal vessel is fashioned from the clay of the earth. It is fashioned from clay but made in His glorious image by His redeeming hands.

As this vessel becomes exposed to the sinful world, it immediately begins to crack under the weight and pressure of sin and temptation, hurt and loss, disappointment and discouragement.

And then along comes the Savior who sacrifices His blood to fill the cracked veins in our mortal soul-vessels. But He doesn't make the cracks obsolete. Instead, He begins to cleanse these areas from the inside out. He brings us face to face with the broken, weak places of our lives.

And when faced with these broken places, we are faced with our need for His grace and mercy and love. And then, when we invite Him in (He who longs for us so deeply), He fills these jars of clay with His Spirit.

And His light (because He Himself is the source of all light) seeps through our ugly, dark, grime-filled cracks. And as we gradually release more and more of our brokenness to Him, more of His light filters through these cracks as they become purified, clean, sanctified. And sometimes this purification process is painful. But it's always good.

And then this vessel, though still mortal and imperfect, becomes more and more like Him and His Son. And He begins to move inside of it, filling it up and pouring it out. And just when the vessel seems as though it's given all it has, He fills it again and again, using it to fill up other vessels.

And by this, by using a cracked, fragile jar of clay as a vessel of His mighty works, the world can know that the source of strength and all good things is Him, and Him alone.


For by our weaknesses, God's strength is made perfect. {II Corinthians 12:9}

Walking With Purpose

God wants us to be singlemindedly focused on Him and His purposes for our lives.

Sometimes we spread ourselves so thin pursuing all the many things that we'd like to be good at. But when we do this, could it be that we're missing the point?

What area has God gifted you in? What do you really have a passion about? What is it that you dream about? Chances are pretty good that God has planted that passion inside of you. And for good reason too.

So I challenge you to focus your sights on the Lord and what He has planned for you. Don't know what that is? Pray for direction and discernment. Ask God to show you the area(s) He has gifted you in to be used for His glory.

And then stick with it. Don't try to excel in an area that you may be just okay in just because you see the next woman succeeding in that area. We aren't called to just "goodness." We're called to greatness. And it's the extremely rare person who can be gifted in a menagerie of things.

And once you know your gift, prepare yourself to be used by God in that area. Sometimes that means marching ahead immediately, throwing aside fears and those "I'm not good enough" feelings. Other times (like I myself am experiencing) that means that we have to wait until He turns the light green. But that waiting is not in vain. It's the preparation time for something great.

So if you're waiting, if you just don't feel the go-ahead yet in your soul, then use that time not to just sit around and longingly and enviously observe how everyone else is moving full-speed ahead. Use it instead to seek the Lord with all your soul and learn from Him. If He's asking you to wait, there's purpose in that waiting.

You can go here for a spiritual gifts analysis.

And a big thank you to Beth Moore and Living Proof Ministries for opening my eyes to the importance of being spiritually prepared to perform those works He's called me to.

How to Really Do Battle...

If you had more faith, you could conquer this. If you knew more Scripture, you could overcome this. If you only believed more fully, you would defeat this.

Do you hear it too? The whispering lies of the serpent, that fall so subtlety on the ears? And we think it's the God-voice telling us how to overcome. But it's really the prince of this world distracting us from what we really need to do ~ rest in Him.

And when we've been doing heavy battle for years, the muscles begin to ache and the heart grows weary. The future looks gray because that's where our sights stay focused. And sometimes it's just hard to find hope when the world looks gray and weighs heavy on the shoulders.

But the one Who holds the future tells us He's already there. And because He's already there, the mind can rest in His sovereignty because not only does He hold the future, but He holds us too. Right there in His hand, our life is secure.

And when the Spirit really speaks the truth, it feels right. When the Spirit gently whispers into my discouraged, downcast, anxiety-ridden soul, "Amber, just rest in me," I can be sure that it's Him. Because only the serpent encourages the endless, unrelenting striving and discord of the heart that stirs up discontentment and frustration from the murky deep pits that try to suffocate our souls. The serpent desires we battle our way into mind-exhaustion.

But the Creator knows what comes of striving. He knows how the body sags and heaves as each breath is taken when it's taken upon itself to do battle in the flesh.

So my prayer is this: Father, help me to rest in You. And show me my part in this battle I'm in against the enemy. May my feet not budge, until You move them. And may my mind and heart only sojourn where You lead. Help me to lay aside this heavy body of flesh, and snuggle up in Your arms, fully accepting all that You have planned for me.

This Morning...

It's 7:45 am and already my dehydrator is full and humming busily away, drying the herbs picked fresh from my garden this morning. I'm sitting here with a warm cup of creamy coffee writing to you, dear friends.

I started reading The Practice of the Presence of God (Paraclete Essentials) while on vacation last week. It is a lovely little book. A much-needed reminder that we need to allow God's presence into all the moments of our day. When our mind races and we rush, rush, rush, we shut God out of our lives mentally. When we slow (even in the midst of physical busyness) and meditate moment by moment on our Lord and His goodness, we permit the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. And we can feel Him.

photo source

Such a simple concept, really. Almost so simple that it's a bit complicated to figure out how to do (since so often the simple things are quite able to confound us, don't you think?) So how does one really permit God into their moment-by-moment living and breathing? It's by emptying the mind of all that does not glorify God and refocusing it on Him and His blessings. And, according to Brother Lawrence, it takes practice. It's another one of those sanctifying processes of the Christ-follower's life.

So, I simply encourage you to invite Him in today. Invite Him in by meditating on His goodness, on His blessings, on His creation. See Him in the mundane tasks of the day, the dishes, the laundry, the crumb-caked floors, because He'll come if we let Him in. Go about your tasks today, doing them as a service to God.

Blessings to you on this beautiful, God-created Wednesday!
Amber

"Thank you that I can move into the future nondefensively, with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, for You hold the future and You will always be with me..." Excerpt from 31 Days of Praise

Move into the future nondensively. With outstretched arms. Ready to envelope the unknown, knowing that the unknown has been known to Him since the beginning of time. The walls fall down from around my facade. Glory revealed.

Oh, for the courage to surrender it all! How sweet it would be to let it all go. Take it, Lord! Take all of me! I am an earthen vessel emptied so that I may be filled fully with You. Filled with Your love, Your courage, Your grace. Filled to bring You glory.

Why hesitiate, oh my soul? Why do you hesitate to fully loosen the grip on what is not really yours? What comfort can really be found in holding on to a destiny that really is not within your control? Pride. Do you really believe that you know best, soul? Soul and mind so easily distracted.

Oh soul, don't you know Who holds you? The Redeemer. You are saved by His gift, His sacrifice. He upholds you. Calls to you. Calms you. The sweet breeze blows gently over, bringing peace in the midst of your turmoil and confusion.

"Oh, Father", you cry, "How does one surrender fully?" The mind gives it up only to snatch it back. Can it ever be given fully over? Impossible to the human mind.

The Spirit. Living within. An intercessor. The Spirit knows the heart and the soul. Knows the intentions, sees the struggling. Knows the true desire to live fully for Him. Appeal to the Father, oh Spirit, my soul thirsts for the freedom that comes from Him.

The Father loves lavishly, fully aware of human imperfections. The limit of the human mind. The weakness of man. Yet it is that exact weakness that allows for Him to work mightily through His creation. His glory revealed. His light shininng through the cracks of our earthen jars of clay.

So thankful. Thankful that this soul does not have to be strong and perfect. Thankful that the soul's willingness to go, even when afraid, leads to great works of God. Use me, Father, use me!