feeling introspective

Why keep a blog?

I've asked myself this question on many occasions.

After all, it is time consuming. There's the taking of pictures (which I actually like to do anyway.) Then they have to be uploaded and edited. And, of course, then there is the actual writing of posts to go along with the said photos.

Well, if I seek the glory and recognition of man in my keeping of a blog (which, admittedly, I struggle with), then I'm doing all of this for selfish and vain reasons. My blog is a means to promote myself if this is my viewpoint. And pride (which, again, I admittedly struggle with) is not honoring to God.

I do struggle with this. Why keep it? Why take the time if I can't reach the size audience that others are reaching? Why put the work and effort into it?

Does anyone else relate?

Well, one thing I can say for sure is that comparison is the thief of joy. 

You knows it's true.

That's the danger in blogs, Facebook, Pinterest, etc., etc., etc.

Why does she prosper and have thousands of followers when I only have a couple hundred? How is it that she's practically making a living on her blog and writing books and speaking at events, and, ludee-ludee-duh. It goes on and on and on.

Well, I don't have an answer for that one. I do, however, know that we're not meant to have a following. Rather, we're meant to be followers. Followers of Jesus Christ. And if we seek fame and recognition in a worldly sense, well, that's called vanity.

Because the Bible says that we are to encourage one another (I can do that on here, right?) We're to put others first and ourselves last (oh, what a challenge that can be sometimes.) We're to seek the glory of God and not the glory of ourselves. We're called to lead others to Christ, not to our blog posts.

Is anyone getting this? Or am I alone in these thoughts that I have seriously pondered and analyzed over and over again.

Why do I keep this blog?

Maybe I still don't know for sure.

I do know that it's been a huge blessing when I've received an email from a reader stating that she is thankful for my transparency in my struggles with anxiety disorder and depression. I know that God is taking that horrible, awful struggle of mine and using it for His glory.

I know that it feels my heart with joy when a reader tells me that she felt God led her to my blog. To God be the glory for that one. And it reminds me that I don't need to exert lots of effort trying to promote my blog. If I write for Him, He will send those that will be encouraged or blessed by the words He gives me to type in this space.

I also know that it's pretty awesome to be able to come here from time to time and scroll down through my posts and see all that has happened, all that has changed, all that we have done as a family, how my children have grown, how my interests have changed, how God has spoken to me. Seven years worth of posts are tidily kept chronologically here in this little piece of the web. And it blesses me to be able to re-read my online diary.

And I can record our adventures in alpaca and chicken farming, homesteading, and gardening. I can record our efforts to live a more self-sustainable, simple life.

I can document the various homeschooling  memories we make. The time spent in the kitchen, learning to cook and bake. The many, many art project and handcrafts we pursue together. The wonderful history lessons and historical trips we experience.

I can document Ian's recent fascination with Japan and ancient Japanese life and culture. I can document his made-from-scratch, made-by-himself Japanese dinner of Ramen and Dango. A dinner that was splendid and such a great learning experience for him.

I can document Lily's crafting projects. Her knitting adventures. Her crocheting and weaving activities. Her jewelry making. Her industrious spirit.

And I can read back and see how God has redeemed me and held me up on a firm place through some very dark, scary seasons of deep depression and agoraphobia.

Yes, keeping this blog is a good thing. That is, this blog is a good thing as long as it keeps its rightful place. Because God's glory needs to come first. And living must occur. And chores must be finished. Lessons must be done and enjoyed. And then, after those priorities, the posts can be written and the photos can be documented.

These are some things God's been speaking to my heart. Seek Him first and His righteousness, and He will provide for all other things.

Face life with joy and humility. Live for Him. Die to self. Seek His desire for my life, and I will find that it is better than anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

It's true, you know.

He's loves us. He desires only good for us. He has come to give us abundant life and victorious living. And all of that comes as we seek Him and desire to point others to His Son.

Jesus died for me. He died for you. He is the source of eternal life. Surrender your life. Place your faith in Jesus Christ who loved you so much that He bore your sin and the sin of the world and died a tortuous death because of that love. And as we celebrate Easter this Sunday, we celebrate the day that Jesus rose from death and claimed victory over death.

Jesus loves you. He loves you dearly. He pursues you. He pursues me. His love is a perfect, fulfilling love. And if you feel like you're missing something. If there's an empty spot there in your soul? Well, I'm here to say that that empty spot can only be truly filled with Jesus. From someone who has sought after worldly things in an attempt to feel fulfilled, I can say that none of that stuff will last. It always burns up or melts away. But Jesus never does. He never leaves.

Turn to Him, friend. Accept Him today. Experience true joy and peace.