Wednesday, May 25, 2011

50 Practical Ways to Affirm Our Husbands and Make Them Feel Loved and Respected...

1. Spend time with him. Even if it's just sitting there beside him on the couch while he watches his favorite television program. Brad often watches documentaries in the evenings after the kids are in bed; I like to read or blog. He's told me that he appreciates me just sitting beside him while I do either. He doesn't care if I'm not interested in what's on television, he just likes me to be close to him.

2. Leave him little notes expressing your love and appreciation for him. Places to hide these little love notes are in his lunch, on his pillow, on his mirror to find in the morning, and on the windshield of his vehicle.

3. Tell him how much you appreciate him and the contributions he makes to the family.

4. Give him a spontaneous shoulder rub or full back massage.

5. Find ways to help lessen his workload at home. This would include doing tasks that he would normally do ~ washing the cars, taking out garbage, mowing the lawn.

6. Wake up with him in the morning and make his breakfast and coffee. This is one of the biggest things that Brad tells me he appreciates me doing for him. Something as simple as me making him his daily morning oatmeal speaks a lot to him of how much I care for him.

7. Greet your husband with gratitude and love first thing in the morning. Make him feel confident in your love for him from the start each day; it will keep him confident throughout the day.

8. Praise your husband to others, both in his presence and his absence

9. Buy him something small to let him know you're thinking about him. I'm not talking about breaking the budget. Pick him up his favorite candy bar or a magazine he enjoys reading and give it to him when he gets home from work or tuck it into his lunch or briefcase to be surprised when he finds it!

10. Make him his favorite meal. And serve it by candlelight. :)

11. Encourage him. This world has a way of beating our husbands down; it's rough out there! What ways can you encourage him? What affirming words can you speak to him to build him up and make him feel good about himself? Tell him how hard of a worker he is. Tell him how intelligent you think he is. Tell him how much you appreciate his devotion to his family.

12. Tell him that you are proud of him. We so often take for granted how speaking positive, confidence-building words can really encourage our husbands to be everything God created them to be. What about your husband are you proud of? Now go tell him!

13. Let go of the small stuff. When you're stewing over something, really think to yourself whether or not this is a "hill you're willing to die on" (and possibly cause great dissension in your marriage over.) If it's not, then be mature and dump the matter.

14. Show interest in his hobbies and allow him to have space to participate in them. Our men need time to decompress as well.

15. Focus on what he's doing right rather than the areas that he is weak in. Don't we all have our weaknesses? How would we as wives feel if our husbands were constantly pointing out our negative aspects and never affirming us? It would make us feel extremely discouraged and overwhelmed and angry. So why should we do that to our husbands? Do to others as you would have them do to you!

16. Give him time to unwind after returning home from work. As previously discussed, don't dump your day's problems and concerns on your husband the moment he steps over the threshold.

17. Compliment him often. Don't you like a compliment? Especially from your husband? Then why not do the same to him?

18. Don't overcommit yourself in other areas of your life. If you're so busy that you have no time to spend with your husband then you need to reprioritize and clear your schedule of some things. Activities are not more important than your relationship with your husband. Remember - God, Husband, Children, Family, Friends in that order. Do not give busy activities priority over time spent with your husband or your marriage will suffer. You can't have a good marriage if you can't devote the time to it.

19. Find ways to show him you need him. Our men love to know that there is an actual need for them in the home. Even if it's as simple as opening a jar of sauce that we just don't quite have the muscles to open. Or it could be asking his advice on a matter in your personal life.

20. Admit your mistakes. Don't try to pass the blame. Own up to your actions and ask for forgiveness.

21. Text him a love message.

22. Send him an email or e-card at work. What a pleasant surprise it would be for him to open his email and find a personal email from his wife in his inbox!

23. Buy him a romantic card or, better yet, take the time to write him a heartfelt love letter.

24. Take icy cold drinks out to him in the summer when he's working outside.

25. Let him be the man of the house. Trust his judgment and honor his decisions.

26. Tell him you're sorry when you've wronged him. Swallow that pride.

27. Resolve conflict quickly. Be mature enough to break the silent treatment. And really try hard not to go to bed fighting. Don't permit anger to nestle into the marriage bed.

28. Keep your promises. If you tell your husband that you are going to do something, then make sure you do it.

29. Don't contradict him in front of others.

30. Scratch "I love you" into his bar of soap.

31. Pamper him when he's sick.

32. Don't compare him. Comparing our husbands to other men is a dangerous and destructive practice. There is no good that comes out of this. Just don't do it. Not even mentally. It will only cause discontentment.

33. Greet him at the door when he returns from work with a smile and kiss.

34. Defend him to those who talk disrespectfully about him.

35. Let him know that you're proud of him. And give him specifics too. Your husband will appreciate you telling him the things that you are specifically proud of him for.

36. Tell him three things that you specifically appreciate about him.

37. Honor him in front of the children. Don't argue with him or question him in front of your children. This indirectly teaches them that if you can disrespect and question their father, then they can too. If you do need to question him or disagree with him, do it respectfully and in private.

38. Initiate intimacy occasionally and respond more often to his. This could be a whole other post in itself! :) Ladies, we can't deprive our husbands of their intimacy needs. Intimacy is an area of conflict in many, maybe most, marriages. You may not have as great a need for physical intimacy as your husband, but that doesn't mean his needs should be deprived. Hmmm, maybe I should do a post on this topic?

39. Be kind and courteous to him. Why do we so often treat strangers kinder than our own husbands?

40. Take him out on dates! Pre-plan all the details and surprise him! I did this a couple of weeks ago when we went for the night to the mountains. Brad really appreciated it because it was something that he said he wouldn't have done himself. It was a real stress-reliever for both of us. And I had fun surprising him!

41. Don't expect him to read your mind. Really, as much as we'd like to believe it, our husbands are not mind-readers.

42. Flirt with him. Try to think back to those days oh-so-long-ago when flirting with him was actually enjoyable. Now employ some of those tactics again! He'll love it!

43. Seek his advice. Let him know that he's needed and his opinion matters to you. Always seek his advice on big, important issues but also on the small matters too.

44. Keep your home comfortable and clean. Make it a haven for him to return to each day.

45. Do not nag your husband. Proverbs 21:9 says "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife." And this isn't the only time the nagging wife is mentioned in the Bible!

46. Ask him questions about his job. Find out what your husband does when he's at work. Show interest in this area of his life.

47. Give him a long, passionate kiss every now and then for no reason.

48. Hold his hand. When you're out walking or shopping, reach over and grab your man's hand!

49. Keep a love letter journal. This is something I just started this year. I bought a journal and use it to write letters to Brad. I was originally going to wait until Christmas to give it to him, but I've given it to him to read the individual letters as I write them. This will be a wonderful gift for him to keep to be reminded of my love for him.

50. Hold your husband up in prayer. Ask God for fresh vision to see ways that you can actively and consistently affirm your husband.

Ladies, don't try to tackle this list all at one time. I would encourage you all to choose several of the points and work on those over the next month or so. And pray over this list, asking God to show you which areas you need to improve in and which areas you should actively employ right now in your marriage.

Building our marriage and affirming our husbands is an ongoing privelege. It's not always easy and it often means letting go of our selfishness and our desires, but it's something that we should be seeking the Lord's wisdom in and striving to do.

We're in this together! We're blessed to be wives, and we can be the wives that God desires for and designed us to be!

Have a blessed day!

p.s. - Here's a great resource: A 30-Day Husband Encouragment Challenge for Wives at Reviving Our Heart, Nancy Leigh DeMoss' website. Go check this out, print it out, and use it!


Unknown said...


What a great list. I know we all could work on some of these.

You are so talented and knowledgable. God has definately blessed you with the ability to speak to others hearts with your words.


Monica said...

I agree with Tina! Great list! And some I am still working on after almost 22 years of marriage! Thanks for sharing!

Suz and Allan said...

I really enjoyed this post. God has been speaking to me about several of these things!

Monica G. said...

I love this series of posts, Amber. I really do. Especially the list. This is all so true, but some women click their tongues and honestly think they should reap the rewards of a wonderful marriage while at the same time excerting their feirce woman's lib. Now I'm not saying we should give up the freedoms and rights that we women have fought for and earned, but there are some classic laws of nature that should never have been scoffed, trampled, and ignored in the doing. Most of those were included in the list. God wired men to be men, and while women should not be disrespected, many have forgotten somewhere along the path of our liberation, to also not disrespect our husbands. So kudos to you for having the confidence to speak it for all to hear. I've given advice to many a young man in my family: Treat your lady like a princess, and she will in return treat you like a king!

Holly said...

What a extensive list! I enjoyed reading it, and I just did #21. How fun ... it felt really good.

I came to visit because Pamela @A Shelter Tree highlighted you as part of a blog Meme, "Pay It Forward", and I'm so glad she did!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Hello Amber, many thanks for your visit to Thistle Cove Farm; please come back soon.
This list should be required reading by every woman who wants a husband, who has a husband, or who wants to keep her husband! Oh how I wish I'd had this list years ago. Some of these things I did...each and every week I'd tell Dave, "thank you for taking such good care of us", each and every day I'd say, "I love you" and many other things but oh how I wish I'd had this list. There are so many wonderful things on this list to build up our husbands!
God bless you, yours and the work of your hands and heart.
Sandra at Thistle Cove Farm

P. S. When I begin blogging at the Wife to Widow: Preparedness Training site, I'm going to reference and link your most excellent post.

Greg Cassidy said...

From a husband of a wife that has transformed into a passionate, respectful affirmer of her husband, I cannot tell you how these little things have changed our relationship. She has been transformed and feels a peace with our marriage that she never was able to before. She has allowed me to lead in all of our family decisions and it has taken a huge burden off of her and a lot of stress. She has been able to be an unbelievable helpmeet to me.

stay@homemommy said...

I came across your post from my cousins Facebook page and I am so glad I read each and every word of it. My husband and I will be married 3 years in September and we have 2 beautiful children. I am a stay at home Mom and my hubby works hard labor construction to provide for us. Although I do practice some of these guidelines in our everyday life, there are lots of them that I don't. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I've never been around a marriage that I could look up to and learn from. My mom has been through 3 marriages and my dad is on his 4th. I pray to God mostly everyday that I know divorce is not His will and that I need more help and guidance probably then most. He has brought our marriage through the fire more then once and we are closer and stronger now then ever but I cannot wait to begin incorporating more and more of these into our lives. Sometimes I let my feelings and thoughts get in the way of how I speak to my husband, or treat him. Sometimes I feel its unfair that we Moms work 24/7 keeping our home clean, kids taken care of, laundry done etc... He gets to nap and I never, when he clocks out of work he's done for the day...I'm never "off work". I do let it effect me and how I act sometimes...and its something I pray that God will help me with. Our intimacy is an issue for him but by the time the kids are bathed and in bed and I get my shower, I'm ready to sleep too. He goes off with friends sometimes to help them with projects and I never get away. He will never offer to stay with the kids and let me just get out of the house for a while or even offer to help with the kids so that everything is finished earlier and we can have us time. How do I fix this and get past these feelings I have. It is causing discontentment and a bit of jealousy as well.

Unknown said...

Does anyone have ideas for things to say to encourage a man who is still in the home but who has expressed to his wife and others that he no longer wants to be married and is thinking about moving out? Most of the ideas in this blog do not apply to him and he would know it and take offense to someone saying them to him.

Unknown said...

Does anyone have ideas for things to say to encourage a man who is still in the home but who has expressed to his wife and others that he no longer wants to be married and is thinking about moving out? Most of the ideas in this blog do not apply to him and he would know it and take offense to someone saying them to him.

Unknown said...

A few years ago I was in the same boat. On the verge of losing my husband. I finally realized one day that I was going to lose him and had to do something. I knew I couldn't change him, but what I could change was me. I started be a wife he could not live without. I started being the perfect wife - honoring, loving, sweet, respectful, appreciative of him, admiring of him, etc. Not only did it build him up but it built me up. I knew I was becoming a woman he adored which gave me confidence in our marriage. I was no longer jealous or untrusting because I knew I was now a good wife and why would he want to leave such a positive force in his life. Now we are hopping for coming up on 10 years. Advice: change yourself, the only way you can change him or his mind is starting with "you".

Andréa Denise said...

I love these! One warning: If you live in a big city like LA, New York, or Chicago, leaving a note on the windshield MIGHT give your hubby a small heart attack before he realizes its not the parking police. Learning from experience... LOL

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I think it's great advice. Will definitely try them out. Just want my husband to know I am with him no matter what. He know he always have me on his side, but he needs to feel good about himself. U tips will help me a lot to achieve this. Thank you again.

Lindsey G. said...

Thank you so much for this post and thank you for including God in it. I was laying in bed pondering about how I could make my man feel loved. This list just what I was looking for. I am still so in love with my husband after going on 10 yrs of marriage and I really want to show him this without being smothering and annoying. This is great information and I feel very encouraged. I like the one about asking God how to pray for and encourage your hubby. Thanks again and blessings to you and your family!